Teens, Parenting and Divorce related issues
Don't put your kids in the middle.
Don't put the children in between you and your ex and start pulling on them for their attention. Don't use your children as pawns to find out about the other person or get back at your ex. They have nothing to do with your problems. Keep reminding yourself of that. They do deserve and need, however, to remain cared for, protected and loved.
Fight in private.
Most children of divorce will grow up stable and happy if their parents behave respectfully towards one another. Fighting in front of our children is one of the most destructive aspect of the divorce for them. After all, we are their role models. What would we be modeling if we fought in front of them or display openly our lack of self control?
Never undermine the other parent.
Don't be critical of your ex in front of the children. Put the children above all of your personal wants and needs. Again, this is about teaching them integrity and in the process of attacking the other parent you are only hurting your child. Remember, your child loves both of you and should not be put in a position where he should choose one parent over the other.
State everything in the positive. When explaining things to your child about the divorce and your new life, use positive words instead of negative words. First this will help them (and yourself) to see problems as opportunities, and it will help remove feelings of guilt/shame/anger...for example: the child is not from a broken home, he has two homes - Mom and Dad don't love each other anymore, Mom and Dad want to experience a different life - you can't have the branded shoes because I don't have enough money, Until I get back on my feet, we will have to watch our spending.
Any questions, comments, suggestions? Please do not hesitate to contribute.
Last updated by Nadia Thonnard Sep. 19, 2008.
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